Wedding bells are ringing, but Rachel really, really, like REALLY does not want to start without Quinn, so she texts her a bunch of times in all caps to hurry her along. Finn tells Rachel they can’t wait anymore; Rachel completely ignores him as she continues to text frantically back and forth with her secret girlfriend. Quinn drives and texts as fast as she can, but back at City Hall, Finn informs Rachel that they’re about to lose their slot—it’s now or never. Rachel’s response? WE WILL WAIT FOR MY SECRET GIRLFRIEND QUINN FABRAY TO GET HERE AND STOP THIS WEDDING BY PUBLICLY DECLARING HER LOVE FOR ME, BECAUSE I KNOW THAT’S THE ONLY WAY TO GET HER OUT OF THE CLOSET AND BY GOD, RACHEL BERRY IS NOT GOING ANOTHER DAY WITHOUT MAKING FABERRY CANON. Or else she just really, really completely refuses to get married without Quinn there for some other reason…anyone? Bueller?

Quinn is just as agitated about making it to the wedding as Rachel is, and texts ON MY WAY just as she distractedly runs a stop sign, and her little VW Bug gets smashed head-on by an oncoming truck. Sorry, Quinn, but you really should’ve known that the writers would do anything to keep you from publicly declaring your love for Rachel; there’s only one gay lady storyline at a time allowed on this show, and Brittana have already filled in the sign-up sheet through 2013. You never should’ve let them see what you were going to say in the promo spot!